“În viață pierdem ani, iar de la moarte cerșim o clipă.”
— Nicolae Iorga
Temple of Love, Versailles, Paris
Hey, this post may contain adult content, so we’ve hidden it from public view.
— știu că nu este ușor, știu că doare. stai acolo și te tot gândești, milioane de întrebări îți vin în cap și nu ești în stare să adormi. îți creezi diferite scenarii în minte în timp ce-ți faci o listă în cap despre toate regretele pe care le ai, dar nu te poți învinui pe tine pentru incapacitatea altuia de a-ți dovedi iubirea pe care o meriți. seara asta este la fel ca celelalte, dificilă ca naiba, dar faci ceea ce ai făcut mereu. vei trece peste și vei depăși în sfârșit momentul. vei fi bine.
Dear Tina,
Do you remember the first time we met?
You were so beautiful.
You shined as bright like the crystal! You made my life a bit more meaningful. You were always there, when nobody else cared. My mom would ask me if I was doing okay; but shit… I just finished an eight ball of cocaine.
It’s hard to express… this stress…through all this shitty mess…
So in order to express how I truly felt, I had written a poetry for you.
I saw a black shadow. It was slowly coming toward me…
I tried to scream,
“GO AWAY!”
but nobody seemed to hear me say…
I was taken to a dark place.
It was so goddamn cold.
Everything was made out of ICE…
…So alone and scared, so I began to cry.
When I opened my eyes, I saw YOU by my side.
You comforted me and hugged me…
telling me that you would NEVER leave me.
When I attempted to commit suicide; You had saved me.
I felt so worthless and wanted to die
yet, you grabbed me by my hands, then took me into a MAGICAL FANTASY LAND!
and honestly… That’s when I felt…
GENUINELY HAPPY.
I began to smile, as you spun me around like a merry go round.
I felt like a little kid again.
Running in the playground and fooling around.
I wanted to stay there forever.
You grinned at me
telling me that…
“I could always come around.”
When I was back into reality; my life was changed drastically.
You became my #1 top priority.
Every morning, I would wake up, with you on my mind 24/7.
Everyday seemed like heaven.
We would hang out, while we watched the midnight sun.
GODDAMN! We had so much fun.
BUT…
That was the past.
I should’ve known nothing good can ever last.
You suddenly became manipulative, controlling, and became abusive.
Always telling me to do shit.
I kept loading the bowl again… and again…
WITHOUT ME KNOWING!
I wanted to call quits.
When I confronted you; you began to laugh.
You whispered into my ears saying,
“There’s no escape.”
Then one day it hit me…
I was in the dressing room, trying on some cute bathing suits.
When I looked up into the four mirrors, I had saw how skinny I was.
I looked like a fucking skeleton.
This was fucking humiliation.
No wonder people had thought that I was anorexic.
This made me fucking sick.
I came out of the dressing room, and left without buying any swimsuits.
Everyday was the same fucking day.
There was no place to run away.
I wish I could say that this is over, and that it’s the end of my story…
But…
I’m so sorry.
This isn’t a fairytale, sweetie.
Do you remember that young girl?
That once dreamed to become a Dancer, Teacher, and a Mother?
Well…She became a Tweaker.
I wanted to end it, but I was too late…
I became one of your puppets.
You were the puppet master, and you were good at it.
That’s when I realized that I’ve made a huge mistake. You made my sadness go away, but I was never fully okay.
You made me happy for a short time; but this wasn’t worth watching mama cry
EVERY. FUCKING. TIME.
She was crying at night in the restroom holding tightly, to the bathroom tissue.
Mama, I really wanted to comfort you.
But honestly…
I was…
TOO FUCKING ASHAMED too!
Tina, you’re a disgusting devil in disguise.
All the shit you promised… was all a FUCKING LIE.
I cannot emphasize this pain and agony through THIS. FUCKING. POETRY!
I don’t even want to go OUTSIDE.
I don’t even want to SOCIALIZE.
I was left with ANXIETY
…Now I feel so fucking ugly!
But let me write one last thing…
When this battle is over, you will no longer be my lover. You said there was no escape: BUT. WATCH. ME.
You will no longer hold the power to control MY life.
I’ll destroy all the goddamn crystals in your fucking Ice Castle.
To end this letter, I just wanted to say:
THANK YOU.
Thank you for showing me that I’m MUCH STRONGER than YOU.
Thank you for the lesson.
I finally understand the true meaning of the quote,
“Everything happens for a reason.”
Sincerely,
I’M FINALLY FREE.
-hijessica
This was definitely a poetry that was really personal to me. However, I wanted to share with you guys my feeling towards this awful drug. This was written a month ago; but I felt like this was perfect time to post it. I hope some of you can relate; and know that you’re not alone.
It’s tragic though…
…because deep inside (IF) you want to quit; it’s hard to resist the temtaptions. Therefore, sometimes you’re just like, “Fuck It.”
And I know that nobody in the world can stop you. ONLY YOU have the power to decide if you want to stop being controlled as a puppet.
If you read this much; I appreciate your time for reading! ❤️